Dealing with Grief and Loss
When we lose someone very dear and close to us, we might find it very difficult to adjust to the changes happening in our life. Bereavement can change your beliefs, your personality, and even your sense of reality. Every person deals with it in a different manner and has different time frames. There is also no right or wrong way to feel during the bereavement period - everyone must learn to cope in their own way.
How does grief affect you?
Grief, although normal, can manifest in a huge range of unexpected ways. Some people get angry, some people withdraw further into themselves and some people become completely numb. Sometimes, grief can turn into something more serious - like depression.
There are 5 Stages of Bereavement:
1. Denial
2. Bargaining
3. Anger
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
Feelings like these are a natural part of the grieving process. Knowing that they are common may help them seem more normal. It's also important to know that they will pass. Some people take a lot longer than others to recover. Some need help from a counsellor or their GP. But you will eventually come to terms with your loss, and the intense feelings will subside.
Grief, although normal, can manifest in a huge range of unexpected ways. Some people get angry, some people withdraw further into themselves and some people become completely numb. Sometimes, grief can turn into something more serious - like depression.
There are 5 Stages of Bereavement:
1. Denial
2. Bargaining
3. Anger
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
Feelings like these are a natural part of the grieving process. Knowing that they are common may help them seem more normal. It's also important to know that they will pass. Some people take a lot longer than others to recover. Some need help from a counsellor or their GP. But you will eventually come to terms with your loss, and the intense feelings will subside.
How to cope with grief and loss?
There's no instant fix. You might feel affected every day for about a year to 18 months after a major loss. But after this time the grief is less likely to be at the forefront of your mind.
There are practical things you can do to get through a time of bereavement or loss:
* Express yourself. Talking is often a good way to soothe painful emotions. Talking to a
friend,family member, health professional or counsellor can begin the healing process.
* Allow yourself to feel sad. It's a healthy part of the grieving process.
* Keep your routine up. Keeping up simple things like walking the dog can help.
* Sleep. Emotional strain can make you very tired. If you're having trouble sleeping, see your GP.
* Eat healthily. A healthy, well-balanced diet will help you cope.
* Avoid things that "numb" the pain, such as alcohol. It will make you feel worse once the
* Keep your routine up. Keeping up simple things like walking the dog can help.
* Sleep. Emotional strain can make you very tired. If you're having trouble sleeping, see your GP.
* Eat healthily. A healthy, well-balanced diet will help you cope.
* Avoid things that "numb" the pain, such as alcohol. It will make you feel worse once the
numbness wears off.
* Go to counselling if it feels right for you – but perhaps not straight away. Counselling may be
* Go to counselling if it feels right for you – but perhaps not straight away. Counselling may be
more useful after a couple of weeks or months. Only you will know when you're ready.
When to get help?
Get help if any of the following apply to you:
Get help if any of the following apply to you:
* You don't feel able to cope with overwhelming emotions or daily life.
* The intense emotions aren't subsiding.
* You're not sleeping.
* You have symptoms of depression or anxiety.
* Your relationships are suffering.
* You're having sexual problems.
* You're becoming accident-prone.
* You're caring for someone who isn't coping well.
What is bereavement counselling?
Bereavement counselling may be able to provide support during these very difficult times and help you get to the point where you can function normally. Talking about the loss often allows a person to adjust to their new life with all its changes - good and bad. Keeping things bottled up or denying the sadness could prolong the pain. Any loss must be acknowledged for us to move forward.
Bereavement counselling can:
* Offer an understanding of the mourning process
* Explore areas that could potentially prevent you from moving on
* Help resolve areas of conflict remaining
* Help you to adjust to a new sense of self
* Address possible issues of depression or suicidal thoughts.
You will probably never stop missing the person you lost, but with enough time and the right support, a new life can be pieced together and purpose can be reclaimed. One day, you may be able to find happiness again. By creating a place to keep the person you lost, and finding ways to remember them (like anniversary celebrations, or leaving flowers at a memorial site), you should be able to preserve their memory and honour the impact they had on your life, without letting their absence obscure your own future.
If you feel that you could benefit by Bereavement Therapy, please contact me to make an appointment. I also present group therapy and support groups for bereavement clients. Please visit my website www.thementallyfit.co.za or email me for more information at somaricoetzee@yahoo.com.
* You're not sleeping.
* You have symptoms of depression or anxiety.
* Your relationships are suffering.
* You're having sexual problems.
* You're becoming accident-prone.
* You're caring for someone who isn't coping well.
What is bereavement counselling?
Bereavement counselling may be able to provide support during these very difficult times and help you get to the point where you can function normally. Talking about the loss often allows a person to adjust to their new life with all its changes - good and bad. Keeping things bottled up or denying the sadness could prolong the pain. Any loss must be acknowledged for us to move forward.
Bereavement counselling can:
* Offer an understanding of the mourning process
* Explore areas that could potentially prevent you from moving on
* Help resolve areas of conflict remaining
* Help you to adjust to a new sense of self
* Address possible issues of depression or suicidal thoughts.
You will probably never stop missing the person you lost, but with enough time and the right support, a new life can be pieced together and purpose can be reclaimed. One day, you may be able to find happiness again. By creating a place to keep the person you lost, and finding ways to remember them (like anniversary celebrations, or leaving flowers at a memorial site), you should be able to preserve their memory and honour the impact they had on your life, without letting their absence obscure your own future.
If you feel that you could benefit by Bereavement Therapy, please contact me to make an appointment. I also present group therapy and support groups for bereavement clients. Please visit my website www.thementallyfit.co.za or email me for more information at somaricoetzee@yahoo.com.
Written by: Somari Coetzee
Registered Counsellor
Registered Counsellor
